How do you get past hating the man you are married to when so much has gone wrong?

Do whatever it takes if he really loves you (without conditions) to fix it. Forgive and allow the love to return. And for goodness sake resist going out and getting laid, Because you are actualy caught up in a selfdestructive fling and living only for a quick thrill that is only temporary.

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DECIDE TO FORGIVE HIM. THEN...FORGIVE HIM. THEN...never bring it up again, not to him and not to yourself. LET THE PAST BE THE PAST. Give yourself a break, already! You deserve peace...peace is ONLY found in forgiveness. Don't bother to tell him you've forgiven him...this is for you, not him. Tomorrow morning, kiss him "good morning" and let it be a brand new day. It REALLY is that simple.

Forgiveness is for you, not for him. Once you TRUELY forgive him, you WILL find that the resentment will lift away from your relationship. Even if things do not work out, you will have peace in your heart. TRUST ME ON THIS ONE......FORGIVE HIM! Then if things do work out, you'll be the better for it.

Also, for future reference...don't take things so personally. If he has purposely inflicted pain on you, then you should not 1) be married to this monster and; 2) allow your children to witness abuse.

However, most people get their feelings hurt by taking things that were not meant to hurt THEM personally. All of HIS actions are not about you.

As my father would say: "Screw me over once...shame on you. Screw me over twice...shame on me."

Sweetheart (and I mean that affectionately), please learn to make your own decisions, and for the sake of your soul (and the soul of your children), learn to forgive.

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I think it is important that both of you within the marriage say and do the things that will make the marriage stronger and, therefore, long-lasting. Promises must be followed by action, otherwise the partner should not be given "credit" for having the right idea. Throughout my 20 year marriage, I unconditionally loved my husband, regardless of anything, and would not consider ever separating/divorce. However, once I realized (through his actions) that he would not be there to support me when I needed emotional and physical help, the balance went away. I was simply using up all my resources to prop his situation up and had no reserves. I loved him when I left, but finally had to realize that it was a one-way relationship and that his disinterest in changing behaviors was a sign of that. Laura's book doesn't say to excuse bad behavior, but to try to encourage good behavior. Still, you must remember, it takes TWO to make the marriage work over time. Sadly, one can't do it.

Take this to heart

I've wondered that same question for years. I dated my husband for three years before we got married and we have been married a year and a half now. My husband is and always will be an alcoholic. I resent him for that, but I do not let what he is or will be keep me from loving him just the same as when I did when we first met because I have came to peace with him in my own mind. My husband went out with another woman while I was in tech school on active duty in the Air Force. I resent him for that, but I have resolved that within myself and my marriage. I do not let jelousy or hate consume me because I love him. I know some of you reading what I'm saying might not agree with how I feel. Most of you would not allow this behavior in your own marriage, but if you want to move on with your life WITH your husband then you should not hate him for things that have went wrong in your marriage. Now if you feel that you can not move "past" your feelings of anger and hatred and resentment towards your husband then ultimately only you can make that call. It has nothing to do with moving past your feelings, and it has everything to do with being at peace with your feelings. There is no use in putting yourself through pain and anger. In order to feel good about your life, you have to first feel at peace with yourself and with the people you surround yourself with. You should surround yourself with love and with those that you love. That is the core suggestions I can give you so that you can start thinking about what will make you happy and at peace with yourself on the inside. You must first change on the inside before you can begin to change how you feel on the outside. Once you decide how you feel on the inside you WILL feel better and you WILL be able to decide what steps you want to take to resolve or dissolve you marriage. I hope this helps you. Also, I love my husband, and that is why we are together. I also love my husband enough to let him go if he chooses to leave and that my friend is love. So be at peace with yourself and once you are then you will be able to see things much clearer and you will be able to decide what decisions you should make in your marriage.

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If you have children it may be better for them that you two divorce as amicably as possible, rather than be in an unhappy home. Even if you are going to counseling, if you are not happy in this marriage, in the long run the situation will not improve.

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The liberated opinion: "get a divorce." You ever wonder why this country is so messed up?

Work on the problems. Work at it, don't give up!

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Stop it right now. Stop thinking about the past. You have a future. Everyday is a new day to start fresh and new. You need to start thinking about the positive versus the negative. It is so easy to hate and dwell in the negative You have to make the best of what you have. Change can start with you, and you just have to work at it. Start loving you and then loving your partner. Everybody goes through thing in their life good and bad it up to us to make life wonderful. Even people we love dearly hurt us sometime, but we have to forgive and move on. Try it, and you will see.

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As a person who has literally gone from silver spoon to plastic spoon over the past six years, I have to say you really need to stick it out. My husband and I have gone through SO much, it's crazy. Some people see the bottom of the barrel - we've been the ones holding up the ground beneath the barrel! Yes, I hate my husband sometimes, but then I think, "We've been able to conquer so much together. It would be a shame to let everyone else win." Work it out. It's really worth it!

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Communicate. Be honest, open and straightforward. You MUST work, and you MUST sacrifice for a happy marriage. You will NEVER have a happy marriage without these things.

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Hate is such a strong word. Resentment can build up, causing feelings of anger, and dislike. But hate is something altogether different. If you truly hate the person you are married to, then maybe there is not a lot of hope for you. If you are full of resentment, dislike, anger, fear, disappointment, and those kinds of emotions, then there is hope for you. It takes gathering your fear of letting go and dealing with it all. People don't have a natural tendency to want to let things go. You need to maybe stop trying so hard. Stop looking at the wrong. Instead, look at what went right. Sometimes it takes going to the bottom to see what we missed the first time. A lot of right answers come out of the wrong approach, meaning something went wrong somewhere. You guys lost your way, but you have a chance to not be like everyone else and run for divorce court. That is easy. It's the path of least resistance.. Find your end roads back. Remember the reasons you fell in love. The things that made you laugh, that brought tears to your eyes, that made you giggle, that made you blush, that made you tingle inside, that made you rush home like a wild person full of ruthless passion. REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS LIKE! We all loose the glitter and when the chrome wears off, the honeymoon is over. Its the hard times. The times that we struggled, the times we thought we were holding on by a thread. Those are the ties that bind us. Don't run from the marriage. Remember what got you there.

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As a man in a wonderful marrage at last, I can say that divorce is so hard. The hurt from a bad relationship is so hard to overcome. Each time your husband or wife hurts you it is like a quill being stuck into your skin. After a few years you are like a porcupine. That is when your partner wants to hold (hug, kiss, ML) you, and it just pushes the quills deeper. The hurt just stings more. It takes so much time to work through this that most people refuse to do it. It didn't happen overnight and will not be undone overnight. Men should realize that foreplay needs to be 24 hours a day, and that women do not forget as easy as men. Most men don't get it because most men just don't get it. Life should be easy. Life should be fun. If not really what's the use>

Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. If he can't deal with the feelings of your heart the chance of the spark coming back is slim to none. Separate first for at least six months to give him the chance to make it right. If he truly Loves you, he will do whatever it takes. If not, you guessed it. BE HAPPY... LIFE IS SHORT.......ANGER IS THE SEED OF HATE....

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First, get past the title of this book as it is not as it seems to sound. Second, buy it, and read it. Put it to work!

Dr. Laura Schlessinger's The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands ..

If you don't want to do that, try this:

Everyday act as if you are in love with that person, no matter the hurt and pain they have caused you. The more you ACT and Treat them as if you love them the more likely those feelings of love will follow.

I was in the same exact situation and sooooo wanted a divorce, thought it would be easier and the best for us both. But my children are more important to me, and I refused to mess up their home and their life. So I bought that book I read it in ONE day, and put it's advice to use. I am now happier today than I was the day we got married.

Men are very simple creatures, and we females are not. So in reading this book, I was able to understand a lot about marriage and what my 'roles' as his wife are. I can't say enough about this book.

Not only did it save my marriage, but it saved my best friends' as well. Her husband and her were over one night while she was 6 months pregnant, and somehow we got to talking about them and their marriage. My husband's response was "Listen to *****, I don't know what she did but it worked and we're both happier." So I gave the book to my girlfriend and 2 years later they are still married, happier than ever and are both great parents to their baby.

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Counciling first, divorce second. If you already have kids, you should avoid divorce as much as possible.

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When you marry someone, you don't just marry that person. There is a lot of baggage that comes with the marriage that many ignore or think they will change over the course of time. These include his family. They type of music he likes to listen to. They type of food he likes to eat. His friends. His God or lack thereof. His dreams. His job. His financial debts. His spending habits. His yada yada yada. When you make the choice to marry him, you marry all these things too.

The problems begin and continue when one of these other constituents of the marriage are a conflict of interest to the baggage that you, the spouse, introduce into the marriage. Some things are changeable; most aren't. The incompatibilities become misconstrued for "he must not really love me" because things aren't going according to plans and what had always been envisioned since way back to early childhood. Man is about as simple as a computer. It's a box that has few moving parts and just seems to sit there. It has a few buttons to push. That is as far as it goes. Look on the inside and see what makes it all go. Explain what each tiny component does. Try to work on it, and you will see how complex it really is.

Many people seem to have no trouble loving and staying married to a pet such as a dog or cat for almost twenty years. When the pet finally expires, they are devastated. The pet wasn't perfect either. It peed and pooped on the new carpet. It tracked mud and water into the house. It barfed in the corner and you found it a few days later a dried up pile of ick. It shed hair all over that beautiful sofa and knocked that expensive vase over and broke it. But all was always forgiven. Why? Because a pet's love was unconditional. It never left us to cheat with another master. If we had a bad day with it, it didn't remember our cruelest moments. It was very forgiving and we likewise were very forgiving. Maybe the both of us can learn something about love and forgiveness from our pets and learn to adapt these principles into our marriage. We choose to love and we choose to hate. Make the right choice and choose love.

Look at your life and ask yourself "is there anything that I did to him that I don't want to know about," because if a person has things they don't want to tell someone that they feel bad about that can result in you hating them. There is a really good booklet called "Integrity & Honesty," I think you should read it, I have used the technology myself and it has helped me and I know others who have too. I don't have time to discuss it anymore now but if you have any questions, feel free to message me (Enagee).

First answer by ID0000000000. Last edit by M3lx. Contributor trust: 2 [recommend contributor]. Question popularity: 241 [recommend question]