How do you know if you are a commitment-phobe?

Answer

Picture the girl or guy of your dreams. They possess everything you desire in a mate. If you want someone with a good job who makes money and is independent, likes the outdoors, is fun to be with, attractive and likeable, or whatever attributes you care for, that is this person.

Now picture marrying this person, or having a long term relationship leading to marriage. Imagine what you'd do together. Not exactly to the letter, but in the ballpark. You know, eating dinner with this person, going to the show, the ballgame maybe, or just sitting quietly watching TV. How do you feel now? Like it would be a mistake?

Sometimes it all boils down to are you able to spend time alone with this person without feeling cornered. If you are afraid still that you won't be able to commit, but still feel you want to, or need to, ask yourself if you are being unrealistic about your expectations for a spouse, or that special someone. A therapist might help you narrow your field of vision and might even find some reason that you, yourself, feel inadequate about having a partner.

Worst of all, don't get married to prove anything. You might just be more independent than you know.

Lastly, date around, and maybe you'll see imperfections in others that will make you cut your losses and find a rationale, or a middle ground for yourself.

Answer

If the thought of commiting yourself to someone for the rest of your life scares the crap out of you--or you feel like being in a serious, exclusive, lasting relationship with someone will take away from your independence. You want it, but at the same time, you don't like the thought of losing your options and you feel like you're being caged.

In general, these are the four types of commitmentphobics:

`. You enter a relationship but keep yourself at a safe distance and don't allow yourself the indulgence of intimacy or you don't allow yourself to truly give yourself to that relationship.

`. You enter a relationship and never take it seriously.

`. You enter a relationship thinking that you're ready--and it is something that you truly want--but then you feel like you've just made the worst mistake of your life, like your independence has been stripped away and your options are lost.

`. You enter a relationship and then begin to LOOK for faults so that you can exit that relationship.

The common ground for all these types though, is that these relationships never last a long amount of time, and if they do--they're extremely unstable relationships. Commitmentphobes crave exactly what they're afraid of, and this leads to destructiveness.

...uh, when you're scared of commitment?

First answer by anonymous. Last edit by Pancakesanyone. Contributor trust: 14 [recommend contributor]. Question popularity: 228 [recommend question]