Is it abuse if you say no everytime your spouse wants sex and he gets mad and keeps trying?

Yes go to counseling

PROLOGUE

I am summarizing the arguments presented in answer to this question. I shall not interject my own opinion and I shall do my best to portray every view as accurately and dispassionately as I can, except that I'm going to add a small section entitled "Advice" at the end, which I shall also attempt to keep neutral. I've moved all the answers intact into the DISCUSSION section, for your perusal.

I do want to add one caveat. The term "abuse" has two forms: One is as a part of speech or language; the other relates to a crime specified under every State penal code and quite a few child protective codes as well. "Abuse" as described in the question does not meet the legal requirements for a charge of Abuse in America's court system, so I'll not be using the term Abuse in its legal context.

Answers

It appears that most people who responded to this question feel that a spouse consistently refusing sex to her spouse is unusual within the context of a healthy marriage.Actually,in a realationship without any committiment of marriage,it is not a bad idea to refuse sex since you are not married.Even if you are engaged,you could actually refuse sex because he may turn out tomorrow and give a shocking story'I'M NOT GOING TO GET MARRIED TO YOU'.But you must have a reasonable reason why you don't want to have sex with him. Many appear to agree that this behavior has the look and feel of an aggressive tactic or attack, and displays some manipulative aspects as well (e.g. in the sense that receiving reinforcement for enforced abstinence or denial of sex is not "Abuse" and thus is acceptable, rational behavior). It is further noted that denial of intimacy, sexual or psychological, can be an aggressive attack, and certainly detrimental to any relationship, especially a marriage.

Another set of answers points out that no-one should be coerced into having sex. Extreme coercion with physical force is legally rape, regardless of married status. Lesser coercion leads to a lot of problems in relating, and an unhealthy imbalance of power within a relationship.

It is noted that there seems to be a dysfunction in certain intimacy and communications problems within this relationship. It bears noting that any relationship in which one party requires a degree of intimacy the other person is not comfortable with, for whatever reasons, has some serious problems. It's further noted that some counseling may be in order.

Also,not having sex with your spouse is not an abuse because you must have your reasons which you should try to make him or her understand.But in the case where you cann't cope any longer,why not back out of the relationship and get your life going?

Advice:

It is clear from the question that the two of you have reached an impasse in your relationship. And from the tone of your question, you both sound angry. It's my experience that such anger is usually with cause.

However, such an imbalance in a relationship invariably leads to trouble, at least as far as the relationship is concerned. I would strongly advise getting some help from an impartial, trained counsellor to help you two re-establish communications, and make some decisions about where you really want to take this relationship.

First answer by ID0000000000. Last edit by Vegabond4music. Contributor trust: 20 [recommend contributor]. Question popularity: 74 [recommend question]